Categoria: Successful Aging

Q. I happily retired two years ago as a senior manager of a manufacturing company. Given my work ethic and commitment, several friends asked if I was planning to go back to work. My answer was, “Definitely no. There is a lot more to life than news, weather and sports.” My friends were surprised by my answer. Was their question unusual? And am I atypical? B.J.

You are not atypical. Millions of retirees in the U.S. are happy with their decision to retire and leave the work arena.

However, your friends’ question is not unusual given the increased popularity of the relatively new term called “unretirement.” It simply refers to people who are retired and decide to go back to work in a field that is familiar or unfamiliar to them. 

Unretirement recently has been popularized by football player Tom Brady. On February 1, 2022, at age 44 Brady retired and then unretired on March 13 of the same year. One year later, Brady retired once again, and as of March 7, he was sticking with it. Granted, Brady is not your usual retiree. However, he is a good example of the growing unretirement trend. 

 According to an NBC broadcast on May 5, 2023, “Unretirement is becoming a hot new trend in the sizzling U.S. labor market.” Several factors are contributing to this trend: a thriving market where retirees have lots of choices, inflation that can create uncertainty about financial security and a volatile stock market. Then, there are always the uncertainties of COVID-19 and its impact. 

For many, working is not only about money. It can provide a structure to one’s day, opportunities for social contact and a sense of purpose. Note, having a sense of purpose is one of the characteristics of the longest-lived people in Okinawa. They call it “ikigai,” a reason to get up in the morning. 

For many, retirement is a time for choices and options. It’s personal. Yet retirement has been referred to as a roleless role, a position where no one expects anything from you. Work can fill that vacuum. It can provide opportunities to create, convene, produce, help, support, grow and just have a place to show up.

Award-winning journalist and author Chris Farrell devotes his entire book on the subject with this title: “Unretirement: How Baby Boomers are Changing the Way We Think About Work, Community, and the Good Life” (Bloomsbury Press, 2014). Farrell writes, “Welcome to unretirement, a revolution in the making. He writes, “We are reimagining the last third of life building on a better educated, healthier workforce that can continue to earn an income well into the traditional retirement years.” As a qualifier, he acknowledges that not all retirees are sufficiently healthy to be part of this unretirement movement. 

Currently, 3.2 percent of retirees have unretired, which is close to where it was before the pandemic. One out of six retirees is considering a return to work. About half have unretired because of financial need, nearly half because of boredom; slightly less than half report loneliness as their motivation. 

The U.S. is not the only industrialized nation that recognizes this unretirement phenomenon. It has emerged in New Zealand and Japan as well as Poland, Italy and Ireland. 

In general, America is a work-oriented society with workers putting in more hours than their counterparts in many other industrialized countries. The Protestant work ethic remains strong. 

The French seem to value their time in retirement by not working. As the French Senate voted to increase the retirement age from 62 to 64, more than one million workers went on strike nationwide. A New York Times article of March 8, 2023, captured a sentiment about their outlook on retirement. A money manager in Paris is quoted as saying, “Life is not just about working; there is a time for work and then a time for personal development.” Others add, “There is a vision in France that working time is time waiting to be able to enjoy life” while another added, “People shouldn’t wait for retirement to have liberty.” 

A bipartisan group of U.S. Senators are discussing raising the age for Social Security to age 70. If that becomes policy, will we react similarly to the French? 

Thank you, B.J., for your good question. Enjoy your retirement knowing that unretirement can be an option. And as a reminder, know that kindness is everything. 

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity

When you think of kindness, caring, love, happiness, joy, life’s challenges, physical limitations, caregivers, surviving, resilience, walkers, canes, white hair, beauty, laughter, humor and celebrations, one may not necessarily think of a hair salon.

Yet this is what characterized Leon’s Hair Design in Riviera Village in Redondo Beach, which closed on Feb. 28, 2023. Although younger folks, both men and women frequented Leon’s, the majority of clients were older women who had been going to the salon anywhere from 10-50 years. They aged in place at Leon’s.  

Based on my visits for the past 30 years, here are some observations and some history. Leon began his career in hair styling as soon as he got out of the navy, and he started his salon in the early ’60s with his wife Rita, who recently passed away. That was well before Trader Joe’s was across the street. At age 94, Leon closed the salon because of the financial burden caused by COVID-19.

Remembering Leon’s Hair Design in Riviera Village in Redondo Beach, which closed on Feb. 28, 2023. (Photo by Helen Dennis) The salon was more than a place for hair and nails. It was a place that felt like family; all clients were part of it. So, what makes a business environment feel like a family enclave? The biggest reasons are the attitudes and behaviors of the owners and their team. For example, Leon and Rita always wanted to know about you, your children, grandchildren and other family members. They wanted to know about you: “How are you doing?” “Are you well?” “Have you taken any recent trips?” They were interested in anything you had to say. When Leon and Rita spoke to you, it was as though no one else was in the room. They listened intently letting you know that you mattered.   

Leon’s has been compared to the television show “Cheers” where everyone knows your name. As one stylist commented, “We care for everyone who comes in that front door. When people leave here, they feel so much better; they are happy.”  And I might add, they also feel more beautiful … or handsome.   

Leon created a model for what we currently refer to as DEI, which stands for diversity, equity and inclusion. He nailed that subject long before DEI became an acronym. Stylists and manicurists were of Buddhist, Hindu, Catholic, Jewish and Protestant faiths; they were Black, Asian, Latino and Caucasian. The salon was inclusive without policies or seminars.

As a client, you were not served Perrier or coconut water. What you could expectwas a pot of hot coffee with some sweets or bagels and an occasional chocolate babka from Trader Joe’s. Then there was the holiday homemade cookies and eggnog that were shared with adjacent shop owners. 

The salon meant a great deal to its clients. “I looked forward to my Saturday morning appointment; it was like a party where I saw all of my friends. It was a happy time,” commented a woman who was a client for 50 years. 

Stylists also had positive sentiments.   

It made me happy to make my clients happy.” “If we had 10-15 Leons in this world, there would be no wars. “Working at Leon’s has been the best experience and I am super-sad it has come to an end.”  “I am so fortunate that I am 100 percent accepted as I am.” “Some clients came feeling depressed and left with feelings of hope.” “I love this place; it’s been an honor and privilege to work here.” This salon played a special role with its older clientele; many were widowed and lived alone. These older clients could always count on a human and caring connection and being touched through a hair wash or manicure and often with a big hug. As older adults often are isolated, these contacts and connections were not only enjoyable but also important to their overall well-being. For many, the visit to Leon’s may have been the only outing for the week or even the month. The oldest client was 101 years old.    

Some current business literature focuses on the importance of employers showing care and concern for their employees, as well as how to accomplish that and its positive impact on productivity. Leon’s also nailed that. He knew about the importance of employee retention; he cared for his team and they knew it. Stylists and manicurists worked for him from five to 54 years, with most working there 20-35 years.    

The human value of caring cannot be mandated by policy or legislation; it comes from within. Perhaps if we all committed to being our very best – to be generous, kind and loving – our society would move up a notch as a large, compassionate, inclusive and caring community.

I am convinced that the years of consistent visits added to the successful or optimal aging for the older clientele. Thank you, Leon, for all that you and your team have done and for what you have taught us. 

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com.  Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity

Q. My husband has been gone for two years and my mother died this past April. I find that my family can’t seem to help me with issues that the two have done with me over the years. Here’s my problem: I can’t decide whether to sell my home, rent it or move back into my house after the painting and upgrading are completed. I currently am living in a rented house. Even my financial advisor cannot convince me what to do. I want to make a decision before my significant birthday in June. What can I do to find those people who can answer questions weighing on my mind? Any advice and thanks for listening. E.N

Indeed, you are embarking on a big decision. Trusted advisors may help you. These could include an accountant, an attorney, a real estate broker and possibly another financial advisor. However, first consider doing some additional personal homework.

Financial concerns: Think about the financial implications of selling, renting or moving back into your home. Determine what you can afford that will allow you to meet daily expenses as well as your lifestyle, priorities and future needs.  You mentioned your advisor could not convince you what to do. If necessary, ask the same advisor some follow-up questions regarding the rationale underlying the recommendations.

Envisioning your life: A large challenge is to envision how you would like to live at your life stage and in the future. There are many variables to consider. Location is a big factor. Are you part of a neighborhood or community that is important to you and do you like or even love your current surroundings? If “love” is the word, that might be a good reason to move back into your upgraded house or find a place in your same general neighborhood. If you are indifferent or don’t like your current environment, it might be a great time to make a move to live in your ideal surroundings. When considering such a move, make note of access to health-care services, transportation, religious institutions as well as amenities you enjoy such as movies, restaurants, theater, concerts or sport opportunities that might be tennis or pickleball. Also, evaluate the importance of living near family and friends.  

Selling your house: Note, there are advantages to selling your home: a likely influx of cash and no longer needing to pay property taxes, homeowner’s insurance or repairs and maintenance. There also is a possible capital gains tax break for those qualified to exclude tax liability on a portion of capital gains. Although June is your desired deadline for making a decision, market performance may affect your timing.

Renting your house: There also are some perks to becoming a landlord. One of the biggest benefits is having a source of passive income.  Add to that the flexibility to sell at the right time, the option to move back into your home and the likelihood that the property will appreciate.  Furthermore, renting your house reflects a diversification of investments.   

Moving back into your house:  With the renovations completed according to your tastes and preferences, moving back into your home may feel like a refreshed opportunity to live in an upgraded environment in a familiar neighborhood with familiar amenities and services. If part of the renovation includes modifications that will enable you to age in place, moving back into your home might have an added appeal.  Such modifications might include living on one floor, having handrails to outdoor and indoor stairs, placing light switches at the bottom and top of the stairs, installing grab bars near toilets and in the tub or shower and more.  

Where to live if making a move: One can buy or rent another home or condominium or move into a senior or continuing care community.  For more information about the latter, see the recent article by Richard Eisenberg, published by PBS Next Avenue. Co-housing is another option.  This is communal living with private residences and shared common space such as kitchens and meeting rooms, managed and governed by the community.   

Finally, it may be helpful to review a list of the pros and cons for each option you identified. Also, speak with friends and family who have made similar decisions and were in similar circumstances. After going through some of the personal homework, you might share what you have learned with trusted advisors and friends to get their reactions. Embrace your informed decision and ask others to join you in celebration of moving to your next life’s chapter 

E.N., Thank you for your good question. Stay well and know kindness is everything. 

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com.  Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity

Helen Dennis | Successful Aging columnist Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging, employment and retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. She has received awards for her university teaching at USC’s Davis School, Andrus Gerontology Center and for her contributions to the field of aging, the community and literary arts. She has edited two books and written more than 100 articles and has frequent speaking engagements. She is the weekly columnist on Successful Aging for the Southern California Newspaper Group, and has assisted more than 15,000 employees in preparation for the non-financial aspects of retirement. In her volunteer life, she has served as president of five nonprofit organizations. Fully engaged in the field of aging, she was a delegate to a White House Conference on Aging and is co-author of the Los Angeles Times bestseller, “Project Renewment®: The First Retirement Model for Career Women.” Helen has extensive experience with the media including Prime Time, NPR, network news, the Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times, Sacramento Bee and Christian Science Monitor. She recently has been recognized by PBS Next Avenue as one of the 50 influencers in aging for 2016. For more information, visit http://www.HelenMDennis.com. Or, follow her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity.

This February, I met once again with two college friends to spend a few days together in Scottsdale, AZ. We have known each other for 65 years since we were freshmen in college. (You can do the math.) The three of us started out as young single women.  As widows, we once again are three single women, just a bit older.  

Our friendship has lasted over time even though we live in different parts of the country and each pursued different career paths and activities in this life stage.  

So, what do three long-time girlfriends talk about with days of unstructured time?

Fitness: This was a big one. Each of us compared notes on what we are doing to be as fit as possible, hoping to increase our chances for optimum functioning, both physically and mentally. We all walk almost daily; other outlets include a fitness coach, Pilates and physical therapy. There were some good reports with some high fives. For example, one friend was deadlifting 80 pounds, another was walking four miles each morning and another who was dealing with some balance issues was walking two miles a day plus daily visits to the gym. We expressed gratitude that we could do – what we were doing.    

Family: This is about updates on children and grandchildren. One son is starting a new job, a daughter was adjusting to a new home and a son who is a child psychiatrist had expressed the enormous demands for mental health care with inadequate resources. Throw in some golf, lacrosse and volleyball for grandchildren as all are thriving with some occasional bumps here and there.  

Movies and books:  One evening we tried to find a streaming movie that at least two of us had not seen. We decided on the Academy Award nominee for the best picture “Everything Everywhere all at Once.” Our viewing lasted 40 minutes with two out of three vetoing it. We unanimously decided to see the film “The Darkest Hour,” a film about Winston Churchill in the earliest days of WWII.

Then there was the discussion of the new film “Eighty for Brady” starring Rita Moreno, Sally Field, Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin – stars with a cumulative age of over 330 years. Based on the trailers, the question was, “were older women portrayed in a positive or negative way? The jury was out except for one friend who thought that the film trailers committed “elder petting – meaning patting an older person on the head and observing how cute they are.” There was no consensus on this observation although two out of three of us are eager to see the film and marvel at the actresses’ performances in the trailers. 

Recommended books included “Clementine, The Life of Mrs. Winston Churchill” by Sonia Purnell, any book by author Elizabeth Strout and the recent book by columnist Steve Lopez, “Independence Day: What I Learned About Retirement from Some Who’ve Done it and Some Who Never Will.”

The important stuff: Makeup, sunscreen, lotions and potions were important to discuss. Then there was the quick online order for trousers that would replace the ones moths had eaten. As far as the schedule, there was none. Not hungry for dinner because of a late lunch?  Scrambled eggs were perfect. 

State of the nation and world: This was difficult to ignore. We discussed President Biden’s State of the Union message, the surveillance balloon from China and compared our political perspectives, sharing our concerns and hopes for the future.   

After sitting around in our pajamas and trying to solve problems of the world, we returned to the subject of how older women are perceived by the entertainment industry as well as society.  This poem was written by one friend that reflected her (and our) thoughts:   

Roses are red, violets are blue

Please show some respect, I’m past 82.

You can give me a hand; you can give me a seat.

You can take me to lunch as long as you treat.

But don’t for a moment try patronizing me.

And don’t say I’m amazing for being almost 83.

Say that I’m sharp, say that I’m bright.

And think of me as you turn out the light.

Keep your red roses, your violets of blue.

I may be getting older but I AM NOT THROUGH!

Here’s the takeaway: Relationships are important, particularly in later life. We know social isolation is a health risk, equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So let’s renew those relationships from the past and forge new ones from the present. Best friends do count in later life; they are a lifeline to our health, well-being and joy. And we don’t need many.  

Stay well everyone and be kind to yourself, to your friends and others. 

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity

Q. I became aware of hospice when visiting the mother of one of my friends who was terminally ill. The care was compassionate and indispensable. Would you please write something about hospice so your readers will know the importance of this resource? A.N. 

A hospice overview: Many think of hospice as a place that can be confusing. Typically, here in Southern California, hospice is not a place but a visiting service. It’s for those who are terminally ill, focusing on symptom management and comfort for the patient. The emphasis is on compassionate care rather than cure based on the belief that each person has the right to die pain-free and with dignity. To be eligible one must decline curative treatments for the terminal illness. A person can still receive care for problems that aren’t part of the terminal illness.

The most common place to receive hospice services is in the patient’s home. Services also occur in hospitals, nursing homes, large and small assisted living homes and other long-term-care facilities. Hospice is available to patients of any age, religion, race or illness. Medicare, Medicaid, most private insurance plans, HMOs and other managed care organizations cover hospice costs.

To be eligible for hospice one must be certified by a physician as having a life expectancy of six months or less after admission. If patients live longer, they can continue to receive services as long as a doctor again documents their eligibility. Patients are free to leave the hospice system at any time. 

Hospice takes a team approach made up of individuals who provide expert medical care, pain management and emotional and spiritual support tailored to the patient’s needs and wishes. Support also is provided to the patient’s loved ones. The team includes a physician, nurses, aides, social workers, clergy or other counselors and trained volunteers. They provide comfort while managing symptoms and medications, visiting the patient about two or three times a week for a total of five to ten hours. It is not 24-hour care. 

Personal services such as social visits, reading to the patient or limited shopping can be provided by valued hospice volunteers. The bulk of personal care, however, remains the responsibility of the patient and family. Depending on the patient’s needs and the availability of family to help, it may be necessary to hire in-home care or to move to a care facility in the community. 

As of January 2022, there were more than 2,800 hospice agencies licensed to operate in California. Check the internet for ones in your community. 

Caring House: Here is an example of an innovative home that welcomes hospice services for those who want to live their remaining time in a peaceful, comforting and supportive environment. It’s Caring House, the first non-medical home in Los Angeles County exclusively focusing on end-of-life care, located in Torrance. It opened seven years ago, but the planning began in 2002, when two of the co-founders, Ed and Patty Long, learned about a similar home in upstate New York and realized there was nothing like it in the South Bay.

Since then, nearly 500 residents have lived their final passage at Caring House. Their stay ranges from one day to many months with a 12-day average. Ages have ranged from the early 40s to age 102 with 89 percent over the age of 65. 

The non-medical environment is key as is indicated in the language that is used. Patients are residents; Caring House is a home, not a facility, and hospital beds are resident beds. Additionally, staff does not wear uniforms and there are six bedrooms, not just beds. The air is fresh with waifs of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. 

The residents are well cared for by two caregivers per shift, 24/7. They are carefully selected and trained and well acquainted with all aspects of the end-of-life process. 

Ritual is important. For example, when individuals become residents, their family selects a heart-shaped stone and the resident’s name goes on it. When that resident passes away, a family member or friend places the stone in a heart-shaped bowl, centered among many other stones with names of those who previously died. The stones are one way that residents are honored during their time at Caring House and honored when they are gone, notes Executive Director Kay Post. She adds, “the stones stay at Caring House so a part of the residents and their family is always there.”

Although Medicare and Medical cover hospice costs, they do not cover the cost for staying at Caring House. As a nonprofit organization, it is supported by the community which is a benefit for those who cannot afford the full cost of care. 

Post notes, “I am always relieved when I am told that our residents pass in peace, holding someone’s hand at the end of their life, having their needs taken care of in a way that upholds the highest of human ideals.”

Thank you, A.N. for your good questions. We all should know about hospice services as well as the unique and compassionate environment of Caring House. Stay well and know kindness is everything. 

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity

Q. My husband is becoming more forgetful and is having problems managing his computer and even the TV remote. I worry he may compromise our security. I wish I could do something about his frustration. What do we know about such problems? Any advice for caregivers? S.M.

Thank you for drawing our attention to this issue. We have two colliding phenomena. Among those age 65 and older, 75 percent use the internet, according to a 2022 report from the Pew Research Center. Add to that 10 percent of U.S. adults age 65 and older have dementia and 22 percent have mild cognitive impairment. Together we have a significant and growing number of older-adult internet users who are at risk, partially because of age, with some form of cognitive impairment. It’s likely that more families will be facing these concerns as we are increasingly reliant on our devices. 

Physicians are paying attention to the reality of the digital age. The following are some examples:

Dr. Robert Zorowitz, senior medical director for health-services company Optum notes in a 2019 Washington Post piece that computer skills may deteriorate before classic signs of dementia such as confusion and memory problems. Quoted in the Washington Post piece as well as one by Judith Graham of the Kaiser Foundation, Dr. Neelum Aggarwal, neurologist at Rush University’s Alzheimer’s  Disease Center in Chicago, tries to identify the underlying problem in using the computer which might be vision, coordination, language, completing steps for a transaction or a compromised memory. Aggarwal says that older adults often bring up problems with technology as a “non-threatening way to talk about trouble with thinking.’” 

The concern is not only about computers – but for all digital devices. Dr. Douglas Scharre, professor of clinical neurology and psychiatry at Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center provides several tips for managing technology for those with cognitive impairment. Here are a few of the problems with some partial remedies.  

Problem with phone numbers. Simplify the technology. For example, buy a landline phone that can be pre-programmed to call family or friends with the press of one button, instead of having to complete steps in locating the name and number.  Some of these phones also have larger numbers which are easier to use. Paying bills. Consider taking over those tasks that require use of the internet which likely will reduce some frustration. Another option is to make bill paying a joint effort; do it together.   Too many emails. Change the email address. That will prevent businesses and other contacts from asking for donations and other requests. It also will eliminate looking at 100 emails every morning.   Having access to funds. Limit that access. If it is legal and allowable, place limits or block access to sending or withdrawing money. Eliminate credit cards or use debit cards with limits.  Forgetting passwords. If the passwords are not dangerous for others to use, make a list and place them somewhere that is easy to remember.   Consider a few more tips. If the number of apps on an iPhone are too confusing, eliminate them. Unsubscribe accounts that send emails. If needed, remove friends from Facebook accounts, although Facebook may be an important way to stay connected to family and friends. One also can install a parental control on a cellphone that would prevent making calls between certain hours. The television problem has no easy solution. Consider helping your husband when he needs it.   

Financial fraud also can be a worry. True Link Visa card is designed to prevent such fraud. It is a reloadable prepaid Visa card designed to help older adults be financially independent in making simple transactions such as purchases or withdrawals. It can block spending categories such “allow grocery stores” and block “the casinos” and can prevent or allow purchases at certain stores. Cardholders can use it wherever Visa is accepted. The card can be customized and spending can be limited and monitored. Note it was launched when the founder’s grandmother who suffered from dementia lost $40,000 of her savings through a credit card scam. 

Thank you S.M. for your important question. Hopefully, some of these tips will reduce the frustration that your husband is experiencing with the computer and possibly other devices. Technology is our friend. Knowing how to effectively manage that friendship particularly with a loved one with memory problems is a challenge. Stay well and know kindness is everything. 

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com.  Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity

Helen Dennis | Successful Aging columnist Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging, employment and retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. She has received awards for her university teaching at USC’s Davis School, Andrus Gerontology Center and for her contributions to the field of aging, the community and literary arts. She has edited two books and written more than 100 articles and has frequent speaking engagements. She is the weekly columnist on Successful Aging for the Southern California Newspaper Group, and has assisted more than 15,000 employees in preparation for the non-financial aspects of retirement. In her volunteer life, she has served as president of five nonprofit organizations. Fully engaged in the field of aging, she was a delegate to a White House Conference on Aging and is co-author of the Los Angeles Times bestseller, “Project Renewment®: The First Retirement Model for Career Women.” Helen has extensive experience with the media including Prime Time, NPR, network news, the Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times, Sacramento Bee and Christian Science Monitor. She recently has been recognized by PBS Next Avenue as one of the 50 influencers in aging for 2016. For more information, visit http://www.HelenMDennis.com. Or, follow her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity.