Happy “Ted Lasso” Season 3 eve.
For those who celebrate, here’s a breakdown of all 22 episodes from the first two seasons, ranked from the merely good to the brilliant.
Yes, there are some spoilers, but why read this if you’re not already a fan? And, of course, personal preference affects the rankings. For instance, any episode in which Hannah Waddingham sings gets bonus points, the appearance of everyone’s favorite Smurf helps and look out when both happen in the same installment.
The key players of each episode are identified with a one-sentence plot summary and a top quote that doesn’t include foul language; you’d think that would eliminate all Roy Kent lines, but he still has more than a third of the selections.
Feel free to take to social media with why these choices are impeccable or, more likely, why they’re garbage before Season 3 begins Wednesday.
22. “Goodbye Earl”
Season 2, Episode 1 MVP: Ted Unsung hero: Rebecca One-sentence plot summary: Dr. Sharon Fieldstone arrives to help accidental dog-killer Dani and others get out of their heads, and Roy gives Rebecca dating advice. Best line: “Don’t you dare settle for fine.” – Roy 21. “Biscuits”
Season 1, Episode 2 MVP: Keeley Unsung hero: Ted One-sentence plot summary: Rebecca, who dreads and loves biscuits with the boss, tries to set up Ted in a compromising photo with Keeley to anger Jamie and hurt the team. Best line: “Be a goldfish.” – Ted 20. “Lavender”
Season 2, Episode 2 MVP: Jamie Unsung hero: Roy One-sentence plot summary: Jamie wants to return to Richmond after he gets booted from “Lust Conquers All,” and Roy takes his creative vocabulary to a role as a TV analyst. Best line: “I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.” – Ted This image released by Apple TV+ shows Jason Sudeikis in a scene from “Ted Lasso.” (Colin Hutton/Apple TV+ via AP) 19. “Pilot”
Season 1, Episode 1 MVP: Ted Unsung hero: Rebecca One-sentence plot summary: Ted, who knows nothing about that other football, is hired as AFC Richmond’s coach in Rebecca’s plot to destroy the club her ex-husband cherishes. Best line: “Well, you got Ronaldo and that fella that bends it like himself.” – Ted 18. “Headspace”
Season 2, Episode 7 MVP: Keeley Unsung hero: Nate One-sentence plot summary: Roy smothers Keeley until he finally figures out she needs space, and Nate starts to reveal hidden parts of his character once he gets credit for a winning strategy. Best line: “Hey, Siri. Play the ‘Roy is Sorry for Not Understanding Keeley’ playlist.” – Roy 17. “Two Aces”
Season 1, Episode 6 MVP: Dani Unsung hero: Jamie One-sentence plot summary: Talented, joyful Dani arrives, the team gathers to lift a curse (and debate Scorsese movies) and Jamie comes around, only to be returned to Man City. Best line: “This is why blankie means so much to me.” – Roy 16. “The Signal”
Season 2, Episode 6 MVP: Jamie Unsung hero: Rebecca One-sentence plot summary: Roy encourages Jamie to be more selfish at the right times, and Rebecca deals with her mother’s latest decision to leave her father. Best line: “Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.” – Ted 15. “Tan Lines”
Season 1, Episode 5 MVP: Ted Unsung hero: Roy One-sentence plot summary: Ted makes big decisions about his marriage, benches Jamie and picks up a victory and a loss. Best line: “I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.” – Keeley This image released by Apple TV+ shows Brett Goldstein in a scene from “Ted Lasso.” (Colin Hutton/Apple TV+ via AP) 14. “Rainbow”
Season 2, Episode 5 MVP: Roy Unsung hero: Nate One-sentence plot summary: Ted embraces rom-communism to convince Roy he belongs on Richmond’s coaching staff, and Nate learns how to score the best table at a restaurant. Best line: “Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at ‘Coach.’” – Roy 13. “Man City”
Season 2, Episode 8 MVP: Rebecca Unsung hero: Roy One-sentence plot summary: Richmond gets stomped in the FA Cup semifinals by Jamie’s old team, Jamie fights back against his father, Ted reveals his darkest secret and Rebecca makes a decision with her heart. Best line: “Uncle Roy, you teach me great things. I called that boy a name because he’s a bully. And because of you, I stand up to bullies. And referees. And I can do that without swearing.” – Phoebe 12. “Inverting the Pyramid of Success”
Season 2, Episode 12 (season finale) MVP: Ted Unsung hero: Sam One-sentence plot summary: Ted deals with the fallout of some news, Richmond plays with promotion on the line, Sam mulls an offer and Nate blasts Ted on his way to a new role. Best line: “It hurt my feeling.” – Roy 11. “Beard After Hours”
Season 2, Episode 9 MVP: Beard Unsung hero: Baz One-sentence plot summary: Coach Beard works out his frustration with the loss to Man City on a night wandering through London hanging out with Crown & Anchor barflies, a mysterious woman and Jamie’s dad. Best line: “Are you there God, it’s me … Margaret’s little boy.” – Beard 10. “Trent Crimm: The Independent”
Season 1, Episode 3 MVP: Ted Unsung hero: Roy One-sentence plot summary: Ted spends the day with reporter Trent Crimm (The Independent) and makes a key breakthrough with Roy, the influential captain. Best line: “Am I supposed to be the little girl?” – Roy 9. “Midnight Train to Royston”
Season 2, Episode 11 MVP: Sam Unsung hero: Dr. Sharon One-sentence plot summary: Rebecca tells Ted what’s happening with Sam, who is courted by the owner of a team in Africa, and Dr. Sharon tries to leave with goodbye letters. Best line: “Well, Rebecca. Listen to me. Don’t listen to me. Don’t listen to Edwin Akufo. Don’t even listen to Sam. You just listen to your gut, OK? And on your way down to your gut, check in with your heart. Between those two things, they’ll let you know what’s what.” – Ted 8. “Do the Right-est Thing”
Season 2, Episode 3 MVP: Sam Unsung hero: Nora One-sentence plot summary: Rebecca tries to make up for lost time with her goddaughter Nora, Sam takes a stand against a corporate sponsor and newly returned Jamie joins him. Best line: “We’re a team, ain’t we? Gotta wear the same kit.” – Jamie 7. “The Hope That Kills You”
Season 1, Episode 10 (season finale) MVP: Roy Unsung hero: Ted One-sentence plot summary: Chaos reigns as Richmond tries to avoid relegation, Roy comes off the bench in a valiant effort, a familiar face does something out of character and Rebecca decides Ted’s fate. Best line: “I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.” – Ted Emmy winner Hannah Waddingham sings three times in the first two seasons of “Ted Lasso.” All three episodes are among the top six in these rankings. (Colin Hutton/Apple TV+ via AP) 6. “Carol of the Bells”
Season 2, Episode 4 MVP: Rebecca Unsung hero: Phoebe One-sentence plot summary: Rebecca saves Ted from a lonely Christmas (and earns bonus points with a song), the Higgins family hosts chosen family and Keeley and Roy confront Phoebe’s problem and bully with love, actually. Best line: “I’ve spent the last 20 years in locker rooms with me. I promise you, I’ve smelled worse. … I think you might be dying.” – Roy 5. “All Apologies”
Season 1, Episode 9 MVP: Roy Unsung hero: Rebecca One-sentence plot summary: Rebecca comes clean with Ted, who forgives her, and helps Roy realize it’s time to pull him from the starting lineup. Best line: “When your kid hits puberty, you’ll be nothing but a pile of dust and a black Amex card.” – Rebecca 4. “For the Children”
Season 1, Episode 4 MVP: Rebecca Unsung hero: Keeley One-sentence plot summary: Rebecca’s icy facade cracks when Ted helps her at a charity event with her ex in attendance, and Keeley dumps Jamie, has initial sparks with Roy and gains her best friend. Best line: “I need to freshen up. I probably look like Robert Smith after he’s woken up from a nap.” – Rebecca 3. “The Diamond Dogs”
Season 1, Episode 8 MVP: Ted Unsung hero: Roy One-sentence plot summary: Ted battles Rupert for Rebecca’s honor while paying homage to “The Princess Bride” and giving the first hint about his father, and Roy moves past his hatred for Jamie to start a relationship with Keeley. Best line: “Barbecue sauce.” – Ted (well, the whole darts speech, but this is the kicker) 2. “No Weddings and A Funeral”
Season 2, Episode 10 Co-MVPs: Rebecca and Ted Unsung hero: Sam One-sentence plot summary: Rebecca confronts her mother about her dead father’s infidelity while Ted tells Dr. Sharon about his father’s suicide, and Sam comforts Rebecca before she puts their affair on hold Best line: “Avenge me, Keeley. Avenge me.” – Roy 1. “Make Rebecca Great Again”
Season 1, Episode 7 Co-MVPs: Rebecca and Ted Unsung hero: Sassy One-sentence plot summary: A trip to Liverpool builds Rebecca’s friendship with Keeley and renews her bond with Sassy, and after Rebecca dazzles at karaoke she helps Ted with his panic attack before he gets divorced and sleeps with Sassy. Best line: “A fax machine, hey? Are you sending something to the year 1997?” – Sassy
Todd Harmonson | Senior Editor Todd Harmonson is the Orange County Register’s senior editor and one of the lead editors for the Southern California News Group. He is an award-winning journalist who spent much of his career in sports as a reporter and, later, as the Register’s sports editor. Harmonson has been honored by the Associated Press Sports Editors and the Orange County Press Club for his column writing. Harmonson is the president and chairman of the board of the all-volunteer California Scholastic Press Association, which conducts one of the longest-running high school journalism workshops in the country. He was inducted into Cal State Fullerton’s Communications Wall of Fame in 2017. He and his wife, Michelle, have three adult children.